Why I am nervous about my first visit with Carmella
All the generosity and openess on the forum lately (especially due to my upcoming visit with Carmi and Don), got me thinking about a few personal things I want to share.
This is such a wonderful place for people to come and be themselves, share openly without judgement, and gather support from everyone else here. Like Wayne said, we've all been gifted something as a result of being here! So awesome!Yet, even in such an open, loving environment, I still have a challenge being ME. I don't really share anything personal, even though there are many times when I would like to - in fear of judgement, being criticized, things along those lines.
This wonderful trip to meet Carmi and Don for the first time has triggered some of those fears. I've just dyed my hair an aweful colour that doesnt suit me and I think it looks bad...I've gained some "winter weight", lost the tan I had in the summer, have blemishes on my face...blah blah blah...and I have to meet Carmi this way?!?! I am scared! Yeah I know right? Its silly - Carmella is one of the most kind, loving, and nonjudgemental people I could meet. Who cares what I look like?! And yet I still do. All ego, and I know it, but these feelings are still present with me. I also know in my heart that this trip is completely meant to be and everything is in divine order.
With that said, i felt compelled to share this truth of mine, since I feel in some ways like you are all coming on the journey with me to Carmi and Don's. We are going to report back all the activities and I am so excited about that!!!! yipppeee!!!!
Fairygirl: Remember; there is more to 'sween as' than blemishes; and color of your hair? well 'reddish' ??? they shan't mind! love share love and go girl go ! we are going with you ! Joz
As we've talked before, I know that you know that these thoughts around your self-image are crappola. I've also told you that I got mine too... lol
"Oh no! All I've got is shabby clothes!", "I smell!" , "I'm gonna look like an amateur next to her!"
See what I mean... Total crap!
You're gonna be among some seriously laid back, non-judgmental and easy going folks! But I know that there's no way you can reason with that sort of irrational thinking. Nothing you can do but to let the tape run and your mind do its thing... Observe the chatter, acknowledging that it's not 'real', feeling the discomfort that it triggers the best you can.
Heathy, my connection with you has always been an energetic one, first and foremost. Even before you posted an avatar or we got to write back and forth a lot, the bond was there. Besides, me think this will be more like a 're-union' than an actual first meeting.
We've received so many confirmations that this is supported by The Mystery, the next step on our journey. Nothing to do but relax into it and let it all unfold.
I love you girlie! (to the extent that I can - being not enlightened and all! )
I understand completely where you are coming from. Our ego likes to play these little tricks on us, so that we will want to back out of things, but than it is a positive thing also what ego is doing, plowing through the leaves (fall time) and making it to the other end.
You are such a warm and kind beautiful soul. So Talented! Your light always shines through. I have a tough time being me, sometimes I hold my breath to long and have to remind myself to just breath and be me! No one is like you Heathy, let that wonderful side shine through.
Carmi and Don will not care about these other things, I know they LOVE you just the way you are! It has to feel alot better getting your fears out in the open and move on now!
You have a wonderful trip and look forward to all (Heathy, Carmi, Don's) posts!
I understand completely where you are coming from. Our ego likes to play these little tricks on us, so that we will want to back out of things, but than it is a positive thing also what ego is doing, plowing through the leaves (fall time) and making it to the other end.
You are such a warm and kind beautiful soul. So Talented! Your light always shines through. I have a tough time being me, sometimes I hold my breath to long and have to remind myself to just breath and be me! No one is like you Heathy, let that wonderful side shine through.
Carmi and Don will not care about these other things, I know they LOVE you just the way you are! It has to feel alot better getting your fears out in the open and move on now!
You have a wonderful trip and look forward to all (Heathy, Carmi, Don's) posts!
Be safe and Be FREE!
Love and Blessings,
Pansy
WOW, that just made ME fell FREE............BEAUTIFUL WISE WORDS PANSY. Run with that Fairygirl.
The essence/presence of you is by far greater than the color of your hair!!!! Quite frankly, even if you had green hair, you are such an AMAZING,BEAUTIFUL AND KINDRED PERSON, it would not change my perception of you. Once a fan,always a fan !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Better yet, tell Don and Carmella to dye their hair too
WOW, that just made ME fell FREE............BEAUTIFUL WISE WORDS PANSY. Run with that Fairygirl.
The essence/presence of you is by far greater than the color of your hair!!!! Quite frankly, even if you had green hair, you are such an AMAZING,BEAUTIFUL AND KINDRED PERSON, it would not change my perception of you. Once a fan,always a fan !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Better yet, tell Don and Carmella to dye their hair too
Thanks Misslinda! Your kind and wise words well spoken and FELT also!
Love the comment about the green hair and all so true!
My goodness! You have all just made me laugh and cry at the same time as I read through the posts. LOL - i love the part about wearing those canadian leaves in my hair. hehe...got a huge laugh from MissLinda's idea for Don and Carmi to dye their hair too!!!! Wouldn't that be halarious?
I appreciate your kind words of support - i have felt a freedom in just being about to open about these insecurities. I know Carmi and Don are beatiful loving souls and we will all relate to each other from a place of joy, love, and happiness I am sooo greatful for this visit in every day!
So with that off my chest...moving onwards and upwards - who's ready for fun in the kitchen!!! My mom thought it would be cool if we could video tape and share with you all - i dont have a video cam, but I can take short little videos with my camera, so we'll try that
Well, maybe some of you weren't around during the hippie movement. But this was in reference to the song,
"If you're goin' to San Francisco
Be sure to wear some flowers in your hair.."
-Scott McKenzie
So, be sure to wear some Canadian leaves in your hair. It's a term of endearment.
Well I was not around during that time but that was what I was singing *see post #13*, except its Maple Leaves instead of Canadian Leaves.... they are the same ja??
Quote:
Originally Posted by aisah
If you are going to Beautiful BC
you've got to wear some Maple leaves in your hair
if you are going to Beautiful BC
gentle people with Maple leaves in their hair.....
Oh Heathy girl! It would be sooooooooo awesome if we could video-tape bits of our time together!!! Put them up on uTube? Ah man........ *dreaming awake*
Maybe we could 'buy' one from Walmart and return it the next week. (Don't you just love 'Satisfaction Guarantee' policies? )
I havent yet seen this little naughty side of you Carmi - i love that idea though!!!!!
Actually - my mom (who is extremely supportive of all m y endeavors), asked me if I wanted a video cam for an early christmas pressie. I said no because we already agreed we are doing $100 limit on gifts this year...and i don't NEED a cam...i might have a friend who can loan me one...ill check it out.
Why I am nervous about my first visit with Carmella
, "I'm gonna look like an amateur next to her!"
I am sooo greatful for this visit in every day!
Hybrid Mode
