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Growth and Self-Knowledge "An unexamined life is a life not worth living." Socrates

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  #1  
Old 01-06-2010, 05:41 PM
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NicNicNicole NicNicNicole is offline
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My husband is sabatoging me!

My poor husband is trying to be sweet and keeps bringing home cokes and sweets for me. I told him I appreciated it but would really appreciate if he did not as even he noticed such a difference when I was 100% raw. Despite this he keeps bringing it home.
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Old 01-06-2010, 06:29 PM
GabrieleN GabrieleN is offline
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i wonder why people do this. Sometimes they are jealous of your newfound "independence"? Maybe he thinks you will leave him behind, somehow? (nutritionally)

my hubby is not this way, but he's too strict on the other side, he wouldn't give me a single morsel or anything "forbidden". It's like living with the vegan police (he is not raw).

I guess the best thing is for you to just stand your ground. And it's tough doing this if someone keeps bringing these foods into the house for you to be tempted.
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  #3  
Old 01-06-2010, 06:55 PM
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SchoolOfRAWk SchoolOfRAWk is offline
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Great advice GabrieleN. He will come around. Some people feel threatened, I think, or think you are "suffering", like you feel you NEED to do this vs. you WANTING to do it. In this economy, it does seem like a waste of money to buy you treats you won't/can't eat. I'd lovingly have a (as my friend's mom puts it, lol) "Come to Jesus" meeting with him, and explain your appreciation but your preference. Honestly, he could just be afraid that you two will grow apart if your diets are so radically different. Also be glad you have a husband who is so dear as to bring you treats, even if they are not on your wish list. Have you simply asked him why? Like why he's doing it when he knows you're not biting (no pun intended)? Tell him to bring you Synergy kombucha teas as treats, LOL! I'd marry any dude that brought me those on a regular basis, LOL!
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Old 01-06-2010, 07:09 PM
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NicNicNicole NicNicNicole is offline
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We have always eaten different diets. He is a meat and potatoes guy and I have always preferred vegetarian based foods and despised meat so I dont think it is that he feels threatened. He has always been one to bring home little treats now and then for me so I think it is just habit but that is a great idea to suggest some "good" things for him to bring home. I think I will do that and see if it helps.


The good thing is though that I convinced him that I would fix his type meals for himself and the kids three days a week (and just eat my own food at the table with them) if they ate raw or cooked vegan meals with me the other four days.
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Old 01-06-2010, 08:44 PM
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That is AWESOME Nicole! Good for you!
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Old 01-06-2010, 09:46 PM
NatureMom NatureMom is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NicNicNicole View Post


The good thing is though that I convinced him that I would fix his type meals for himself and the kids three days a week (and just eat my own food at the table with them) if they ate raw or cooked vegan meals with me the other four days.
Fantastic! I absolutely love this!! Great idea and savvy negotiating! I'm all grins over here!
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  #7  
Old 01-06-2010, 09:53 PM
NatureMom NatureMom is offline
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I wish I had advice about the sabotage. I don't really, but . . .

when you have a sweet husband who likes to bring you treats (mine does), what he reaches for may partly be habit. My treats were (and still are sometimes ) Dove Dark Chocolate and iced lattes from a local coffee shop -- so when he wants to bring me a treat, these are the things he thinks of.

Erica's idea may be the best one -- tell him what your new treats would be. What can he bring you instead of the cokes and sweets?

We want them (husbands) to know we appreciate their efforts, but still honor ourselves, eh?!

Hope that helps!
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  #8  
Old 01-07-2010, 05:52 AM
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Velvet Velvet is offline
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Unless your husband is malicious (which would be pretty oobvious in other situations, like does he makes fun in public, etc.) then he's not sabotaging you. Habits can be very hard to break. My husband sometimes brings me a Flake bar if he finds it, both because I used to love it and also because they are very rare and usually only available in British food stores.

Also, a lot of people find comfort with food, and if your husband feels that you're feeling a little low, he might want to get these things to make you feel better (which does the opposite, I know). Remember that this diet is so not mainstream, and it's hard for people to grasp. Besides, people who have not done the research don't see the harm in a little bad foo here and there if he sees you eat really well.

One time, my mother in law sent over some pizzas and coke. Well, coke for example keeps really well. So I said thank you, put it in a cupboard and forgot about it. Later on, I gave it away to someone on Freecycle.

Basically, put these things away and be grateful for your husband's gesture (I'm sure it's well intentioned) and don't eat them if you don't want to. He'll notice that and quit buying them.

If he brings home something not too unhealthy and you want to show gratitude, you can eat it too if you like, if you don't want to be 100%. Read Carmella's last post, she actually ate a soup with wheat, cheese and chicken broth (!) because it was given with kindness by someone at the campground while it was raining hard.
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  #9  
Old 01-12-2010, 08:32 PM
Mindy Mindy is offline
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Here is a quote from Victoria Boutenko in her book, 12 Steps to Raw Food, revised edition, page 155. (She deals with scenarios like this often in this book.) I hope this is helpful.
"When we respect other people's rights, we may ask for support from our loved ones. We need to be sincere and not afraid to tell them, 'My darling, please help me. I need support. I need to eat raw food for my health, because when I eat cooked food I feel as if I'm falling apart. When I eat raw food, I feel more energy and I have more love for you. Please help me. I don't need you to be raw. I have an idea. Instead of buying me chocolates on Sunday, will you buy me a ripe mango? Or any exotic fruit would be a great pleasure for me. I so appreciate your thoughtfulness. It would be so helpful to me if you'd keep those cookies that we have on the living room table in your truck so that I can't eat them in a moment of weakness. I appreciate your support so much.'
Don't be afraid to be vulnerable and tell your family and close friends, 'Listen, I need your help. It is important for me and my health now that I go on raw food. Without your help I cannot do it. Support me; don't offer me any cooked food. You may eat absolutely whatever you want, but don't offer it to me please.' To ask for support is different than advising them to go on a raw-food diet. People love to be supportive, because we usually have love in our families and among friends."

I love the way Victoria expresses herself. It is inspiration to me. Hope it is to you as well.
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  #10  
Old 02-17-2010, 05:26 PM
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Hippimom Hippimom is offline
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That is a great quote Mindy. One thing that I have done in the last couple of years is transition from food "treats" to non food ones. So now if I'm sick or down, my hubby will surprise me with a magazine or a movie. I think by now he just knows food is not a great idea, unless it's a coconut or something!
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  #11  
Old 02-17-2010, 08:41 PM
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soleta soleta is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Velvet View Post
Unless your husband is malicious (which would be pretty oobvious in other situations, like does he makes fun in public, etc.) then he's not sabotaging you. Habits can be very hard to break. My husband sometimes brings me a Flake bar if he finds it, both because I used to love it and also because they are very rare and usually only available in British food stores.

Also, a lot of people find comfort with food, and if your husband feels that you're feeling a little low, he might want to get these things to make you feel better (which does the opposite, I know). Remember that this diet is so not mainstream, and it's hard for people to grasp. Besides, people who have not done the research don't see the harm in a little bad foo here and there if he sees you eat really well.

One time, my mother in law sent over some pizzas and coke. Well, coke for example keeps really well. So I said thank you, put it in a cupboard and forgot about it. Later on, I gave it away to someone on Freecycle.

Basically, put these things away and be grateful for your husband's gesture (I'm sure it's well intentioned) and don't eat them if you don't want to. He'll notice that and quit buying them.

If he brings home something not too unhealthy and you want to show gratitude, you can eat it too if you like, if you don't want to be 100%. Read Carmella's last post, she actually ate a soup with wheat, cheese and chicken broth (!) because it was given with kindness by someone at the campground while it was raining hard.
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  #12  
Old 02-17-2010, 08:44 PM
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wyjoz wyjoz is offline
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soleta ! HI!

como esta chica? long time no see......... Joz
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  #13  
Old 02-17-2010, 09:16 PM
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Eva Eva is offline
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Off with his head!

Ha! Just kiddin'.

I'd just sincerely ask for his help. I'm sure he means well. (Well, I hope so anyways!)
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  #14  
Old 02-20-2010, 06:50 AM
janetc janetc is offline
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Well, he can STILL bring home treats for you - just not food ones!!

Flowers, gift certificate, vitamix, etc..... jewelry...... a kitten or a puppy!!!!!
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  #15  
Old 02-20-2010, 06:18 PM
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shannsu shannsu is offline
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I like the Vitamix suggestion... hint-hint! Go for that one!
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